Showing Restraint

I am teaching my children restraint – to be patient, to seek the welfare of others before themselves, to turn the other cheek when someone offends them. It’s really quite easy. I instruct them to watch what I do, and then do the exact opposite. It’s not quite as effective as I might hope, but it will work. I have faith.

I do not, however, have the ability to show restraint. If there is something that looks good to eat, I shall eat it. If a co-worker has offended me, I shall let him or her know of the offending action, and then I return it in kind. If my boss passes me over for a project assignment, I shall aggressively whine about it.

Do any of these responses improve the situation? Of course not. Does that stop me from acting like a spoiled two-year-old? Of course not. Why? Because I’m apparently mostly human.

I have no idea who Jesus was talking to when he said in Matthew 5 to turn the other cheek, give the shirt off your back, go two miles if you’re asked to go one. It certainly wasn’t a group of humans. I don’t think we’re capable of that kind of civility, let alone patience, kindness and even (gulp) love toward people who wrong us.

It also comes down to whether or not we trust God when He said in Deuteronomy that vengeance was His, not mine to dole out.

My pastor sometimes talks about a spirit of offense. I don’t know if that’s a true spiritual being, but it certainly is a human response. I can get offended over the silliest things. Like the co-worker in another department who got credit for organizing an event that my department sponsored. Sure, she gathered volunteers, made the arrangements and even cleaned up afterwards. But I paid for it! (And even then, I didn’t pay for it; it came out of the company budget, channeled through my department). Still, she shouldn’t get credit for it!

It’s times like that that I know I need Jesus. If I am offended at trivial things, I know there is no earthly way I can repay real evil with kindness. So I keep reading, praying and testing myself to show restraint. And blindfolding my kids, so that my actions don’t prove more memorable than my words.

When have you ever exhibited a spirit of offense? How did that work for you?

Me Behaving Badly

I can always spot a mile away when a co-worker or company executive is behaving badly. But it’s harder for me to be honest when I’m behaving badly. Which is ironic, when you stop and count how often I behave badly.

I know the “right” way to act. I read scripture with Jesus’ example printed in red. I listen (more often than not) when the pastor is describing God’s expectations. I understand what the author means when I read those varied and sundried books on Christian leadership at work. I know the right way to act. But when push comes to shove, you can bet the month’s rent that my behavior won’t match those examples.

I offer as illustration a recent example that occurred when a co-worker informed me than another colleague was leaving the company.

Co-worker: “Did you hear that Suzy So-and-so left?” (The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Her real name is Betty.)

Me: “Oh, thank goodness!”

Co-worker: (surprised and taken aback by the force of my response): “Why do you say that?”

Me: “That woman was an idiot! I never met a bigger idiot! “She’s the curator of the Idiot Hall of Fame! She won an Oscar for best performance by an idiot! Google ‘idiot’ and she has over a million hits!”

Well, you get the idea.

I wish I could tell you I was exaggerating here, but I’m mortified to say that might be an transcript of the conversation. (Now there’s a scary thought – how would our conversations be different if the people we were talking about could read a transcript of what we said about them. After all, God hears everything I say. Meditate on that for awhile, Mr. “Can’t-Say-Anything-Nice-About-Others” Man!)

Because I know I am capable of such misbehaving, what do I do? First, I spend a lot of time asking God for forgiveness and claiming His grace. I don’t know how full God’s bucket of grace is, but I do know that I have claimed more than the average person’s share.

Second, I spend time with people who encourage me to live right and think more highly of others than I do myself. They’re wonderful people who are truly spirit-filled and kind and often make me feel like a schmuck, because I’m not. But after a while, they do rub off on me. (The problem is that I can only take them in small increments, lest I have some sort of saccharin reaction. But I think I’m building up a tolerance.)

The best way to monitor my bad behavior? Be with someone who is practically incapable of being mean-spirited. In return, I’m sure my friends get lots of valuable things from me, too. Like how to describe someone as an idiot in a million different ways.

What do you do when you find yourself behaving in ways that fail to honor God?